Sex, Drugs and a Memory Foam Mattress

“I’m not going to be the girl you marry, but I’ll be the girl you’ll be thinking of 20 years from now while you engage in polite sex with your boring wife who fakes her orgasm to make you feel better about your receding hairline.”

officialfrenchtoast:

officialfrenchtoast:

i always get good shit from big cock

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(via the-absolute-funniest-posts)

folieaboo:

pro tip: don’t name your fish after band members because one time my dad called me to tell me gerard died and i started crying

(Source: folieadude, via humorking)

anything-grohls:

touch-all-the-butts:

me as a ghost

is this season one of american horror story

anything-grohls:

touch-all-the-butts:

me as a ghost

is this season one of american horror story

(via legalmexican)

snowyarcherprince:

nostopdasgay:

shubbabang:

One of my close friends is a belly dancer

And god help you if she gets bored and decides to knock her hip against yours

Like we could just be walking

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I SWEAR THEY HAVE THE MOST POWERFUL HIPS ON THE PLANET

Tumblr user shubbabang is blasting off again!

The hips, they don’t lie…

(via thedailylaughs)